Intention and White Tantra

My time in the US since last March has been challenging. Low self esteem, depression, wondering what I am doing with my life. Falling into scarcity thoughts.

Funny, how I've seen the reality of abundance and easy manifestation yet so easy to fall into that other consciousness.

I spent a few months in SF, then Vermont to land sit at Faerie Camp Destiny, then traipsing around the NorthEast.

Finally I had enough of myself and went to a ceremony and prayed for alignment and joy and clarity. I through out an old intention that no longer worked for me... to follow my passions and trust the universe to support me... because passions are diverse.... part of me wants to stay ... part wants to go... etc.... better to follow the heart passionately, or the intuition, or what glows!

At this Native American ceremony, I worked through judgment and resistance and found myself wondering if any shifts were to happen for me. Finally I fell into Spirit and laying on the floor wondered if anything would happen... in a state half out and half in my body... feeling like I might not get any vision. I yearned for two magical men who in my past had catalyzed me into sublime joyful aligned staes with their presence. But they weren't there. Suddenly it clicked in my mind that I was there, and I could remember the pattern of Being in those ecstatic states. I heaved the depressed energy off of me with a whoop and a cough... once twice three times. And came to my hands and knees laughing, reborn again! The trick now was to remember this.

I prayed for guidance at this ceremony... and Florida came up... specifically the Solstice White Tantric Retreat put on by 3ho.org ... it was amazing. Three days of a ritual intending alignment with ones authentic soul/self... properity and happiness. Stuff is moving. Most every day I fall into the ecstatic state. I catch myself now when I am choosing to be stressed, depressed or despondent. and I shake it off. I am doing chanting and/or kundalini yoga most every day.

I am feeling back to my old fabulous self more and more, with a new twist of course.

I realize that my nomadic path was to shake things up... to learn to keep my center wherever I am. It was easier when I lived in SF... my room... my altar... regular sexual practice to keep the kundalini risen... regular practice of seeing clients to help me remeber.

And yet in some ways I am stronger now. Realizing that I can just catapult myself into the ecstatic state without relying on friends such as my aussie tantric travel mate in Asia... or a regular sexual practice... brings me to a new empowerment... and new stronger place of unconditional love.

I've been writing more about these things and shall post them soon. I am seeing the work I have been doing in new ways.... seeing the similarity between tantra dn the erotic reiki I have developed, etc...

May you be truly Blessed!!!!