Greeting Fabulous Being!
I hope and trust you are well in these amazing times. Sending you a blast of Love, Light, and Well Wishes!
I will be arriving in San Francisco on Oct 21, and available there for sessions and trainings for the following 1 - 2 months. Please contact me if you would like to schedule an appointment/create a class. Please note that I will be unavailable by phone or email from Sept27-Oct21.
I am currently in Delaware having spent the past 10 months engaged in family issues; I had returned from 8 months in India and Thailand last November.
MUSINGS:
World Changes.
We are at a great opportunity for change and transformation in the world. The economic and political instabilities indicate this. I find it interesting that the economy mirrors the price of oil, and this is a great opportunity for us and our leaders to secure stability through sustainability. An energy plan based on conservation and sustainable resources such as wind would stabilize us in a flash. Urging ourselves and our leaders that we are ready for this would be an excellent start. I applaud Isreal for taking steps to become independent of oil. If each bioregion/country would do this, the world would become so much more stable.
It can be scary at times when we flounder in our individual consciousness and collective consciousness. Never has it been any more important to meditate and focus on intention rather than fear.
I think many of us, myself included, have been parsing through our consciousness as we detox mental and emotional patterns that no longer serve us. Are we really ready to choose our fully empowered BEING? Personally I have been dabbling in reverting to old versions of myself... the old familiarity of my younger years... easy enough to do when visiting family. I've oft resented my aloneness and uniqueness in my blood family particularly, as well as in the world. The way to harvest this is to share my unique gifts with the world. To break through judgements that shackle us to the freedom of BEING and sharing the full power of our BEING from the inside out.
It's such a moment to moment awareness and choice. Last Spring I was reading Thich Naht Han to my Aunt and found the most wonderful passage that said when conditions are right, things manifest. I immediatly thought of my vagabond travels and the seeming scarcity of lovers that have manifested during the past few years of travel. My idea was to step into the abundance of complete trust, that whatever I need/desire would manifest, whether Reiki clients, money, food, lovers, etc. What I have found, is that these things do indeed manifest, but not entirely magically. I have to be OPEN to them. If I am not loving of myself, and sexual of myself, then a lover is not going to manifest.
Intention takes faith, trust, clarity, and non-attachment. If we are attached to the opposing fear, then the manifestation is compromised. This doesn't mean that we are always free of fear. I remember being bitten in the dark by a venemous insect. I could feel the venom. I trembled in fear. But I had the clarity to control my thoughts, and remember to ask any toxins in my body to turn to light. I sent the unseen insect love and suggested that it could go elsewhere. I calmed myself down a bit by these thoughts. I drifted back towards sleep, when I felt a bite further up my leg. I repeated my thought process. A while later, I had to go through the process a third time. In the morning I had only a small red mark on my leg.
I have found the past couple years that my "negative" and "fear based" thoughts have risen to my consciousness... A LOT! It's been frustrating. Things I never particularly thought of in my life seem to ravage my mind. I was hiking last week and I found myself thinking how I could possibly fall on a rock and crack my head open. My head seemed rampant with fears. I came back to my intention to live healthily and actively until the day I die in my nineties. I came back to my intention to get through my hike healthily and safely. I did.
The next day I was visiting a friend and he tossed a book at me. It was Rolling Thunder by Don Boyd. I opened up to a page that talked about consciousness and thoughts. It said, our thoughts are just like food upon a table. We can choose what we think just as we choose what we eat. Further it said, we can simply say "I don't wish to have these thoughts, and I ask them to go away." Gradually, the negative thoughts will dissappear completely.
HAH! I thought and laughed at myself. I'd been moaning and complaining about my negative thoughts the past few years. I'd set some intentions to be free of them, but more often had wondered "why". Why was I having them? What was wrong with me. My friend suggested that this may even be a reflection of global consciousness, that perhaps I was picking up on. I laughed and noted how when in the mountains of primarily Buddhist culture, I find myself humming Buddhist style, while last week in the Catskills I found myself humming Christian tunes.
I realized that in my approach to the negative thoughts, I was wondering too much about "why", rather than just choosing to be done with them. "When conditions are right, things manifest." I've often noticed the same pattern with other forms of dis-ease. If I have a sore, and I think about controlling infection, then I've already given in the "battle"... relative to thinking... "oh, my body is detoxing".
In my travels the past few weeks I have experienced both and Amish community and another Christian community. I found myself seeing a sparkle in their eyes that I thinks from connection to the land, and an integrated code to live by.... conscious empowered choice. It doesn't matter so much what you believe or how you choose to live, but whether you know the code you are living by, and remember the code. Certainly, different beliefs and thoughts will create different experiences. Trusting fully in God to provide for you through magic and miracles would be different than setting intentions based on heartfelt desires. Believing that one has to work and that work is stressfull, would be different that believing that work is enjoyable and fun and gives one abundance and purpose. As I read many years ago, the shaman is aware of what reality that he/she chooses in a given moment, and also aware that he/she can choose a different reality in the next moment. So one could choose to see cold symptoms as an infection, a sign of detox, simply a pattern of being, or a welcome excuse to take a break. And one could make a different choice the next day when dealing with different symptoms.
A few weeks ago, my brother-in-law reminded me that we are Spiritual Beings choosing to have a Physical Experience. I had recently read Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, the story of a young man who steadfastly lives by his code and dies alone in the Alaskan wilderness. Some people say, "what a loss...think of what he could have done if he had lived." I say, look at what he did do... the amazing experiences he did have. Would you rather live ninety years in a chair, safe and sound, or climb the highest mountains in the world? Not that there is anything wrong with sitting in a chair... I do so myself, often... it's the consciousness to which you bring to it. What is your gift, your passion, your excitement in life? What would you like to experience while you are in this particular lifetime?
I wonder these things for myself. I find myself floating in a sea in possibility as I roam nomadically about. It can be a hard path because I have strived to be free of identity... to be empty... and yet if I am too empty, I get filled up by someone else's desires... and yet even that is a choice by me to be that empty and that available.
I look forward to seeing you in my wanderings about this Earth. I urge you to take a breath, feel your Connection, be aware of and choose your thoughts, eat what you love, do what you love... in fact whatever you do, do it out of love... and hug a tree once in a while!
Blessings,
DhamiBoo RTurnbull
reikiem@onebox.com - email
(484) 832-8822 - cell/vm
http://www.dhamiboo.com/
"One should never never doubt what nobody is sure about!"
--Willy Wonka
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Astral Travel or is it asstral?
For weeks I have attempted to meet one of my lovers through astral travel. He has tried to come here. We have tried to meet on the astral plane with the intention of having sex in the astral plane. All with limited success... well... limited in the sense that it's easy to have expectations of experiencing astral travel and visitations as the most vivid dreams possible... or even to expect them to be as visceral as what we consider reality.
The first time we tried, my friend "saw" me offering my life to him as a book. My experience was simply a feeling of sexual excitement, and the thought that perhaps it was my friend. When he told me of his experience of seeing my give him the book of my life, I thought of my belief that through orgasm together, partners exchange spiritual gifts and wisdom in the flash of an instant. How an orgasm can catalyze great healing and changes. For several days after every time my friend lay down to sleep and astral travel, he felt a glow of unconditional love and joy pervade his body. In the following weeks, it became apparent that I was to teach and attune him to Reiki. In fact, when he read my Reiki manual, he realized that that was the book he had seen in his "dream". Through the weeks our experiences in astral travel seemed more like subtle thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
Then last week, I had the sense during the day that I was participating in spirit... from afar... with a erotic ritual taking place several hundred miles away. An event I wished to be at in person, but was called instead to be with family.
I went to sleep and in the middle of the night, I had a dream. I was in a sports field of some sort. There was a "team" of girls planting some marble like things in the field. I also had a collection of white objects that I dumped from a cloth, drawstring bag. The objects were white and the size of marbles mostly with a few the size of ping pong balls. I'm not sure what they were made of. Looking back, I'd say they were polished stones. But in the dream, I remember being concerned about polluting the ground with them... or littering the ground. I was to bury them just under the sod. They were sacred. It was some sort of ritual.
I set upon my hands and knees. I felt the loving hands of a man push me down flat upon my stomach. I felt comforted as my unseen lover embraced me and lay down on top of me. I awoke from my dream and felt the same strong sense of being pushed down and embraced. It was a strong feeling. More than just a sense or awareness. It felt nearly real. My lover entered me. We made love. The feelings became less visceral. My mind tried to identify my lover. Was he from the erotic ritual? Was he my friend that I'd been trying to connect with on the astral plane for weeks? Perhaps, both? Astral dimensions allow several realities to happen concurrently. I haven't checked in with either parties yet.
I am so grateful to have such a visceral experience. I prayed to have my power of vision strengthened and my astral awareness increased. It is happening!
The first time we tried, my friend "saw" me offering my life to him as a book. My experience was simply a feeling of sexual excitement, and the thought that perhaps it was my friend. When he told me of his experience of seeing my give him the book of my life, I thought of my belief that through orgasm together, partners exchange spiritual gifts and wisdom in the flash of an instant. How an orgasm can catalyze great healing and changes. For several days after every time my friend lay down to sleep and astral travel, he felt a glow of unconditional love and joy pervade his body. In the following weeks, it became apparent that I was to teach and attune him to Reiki. In fact, when he read my Reiki manual, he realized that that was the book he had seen in his "dream". Through the weeks our experiences in astral travel seemed more like subtle thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
Then last week, I had the sense during the day that I was participating in spirit... from afar... with a erotic ritual taking place several hundred miles away. An event I wished to be at in person, but was called instead to be with family.
I went to sleep and in the middle of the night, I had a dream. I was in a sports field of some sort. There was a "team" of girls planting some marble like things in the field. I also had a collection of white objects that I dumped from a cloth, drawstring bag. The objects were white and the size of marbles mostly with a few the size of ping pong balls. I'm not sure what they were made of. Looking back, I'd say they were polished stones. But in the dream, I remember being concerned about polluting the ground with them... or littering the ground. I was to bury them just under the sod. They were sacred. It was some sort of ritual.
I set upon my hands and knees. I felt the loving hands of a man push me down flat upon my stomach. I felt comforted as my unseen lover embraced me and lay down on top of me. I awoke from my dream and felt the same strong sense of being pushed down and embraced. It was a strong feeling. More than just a sense or awareness. It felt nearly real. My lover entered me. We made love. The feelings became less visceral. My mind tried to identify my lover. Was he from the erotic ritual? Was he my friend that I'd been trying to connect with on the astral plane for weeks? Perhaps, both? Astral dimensions allow several realities to happen concurrently. I haven't checked in with either parties yet.
I am so grateful to have such a visceral experience. I prayed to have my power of vision strengthened and my astral awareness increased. It is happening!
God Needs a Little Help... from a dream...
Last week I dreamed I was flying amongst the trees. Flying dreams always exhilarate me. I zoomed around. I found some friends on the ground and showed them how to fly with me. We soared the blue skies amongst the clouds and landed in the high branches of a tree. My friends giggled with delight at their new found sport. Meanwhile I stopped, and became overcome with fear, gripping the branch with my back towards the ground. I looked over my shoulder at the long distance to the ground. I shook with fear. Next thing I knew, I heard God speaking to me, saying "even God needs a little help. I can't do it all."
I knew that it was up to me to let go of the branch and fly. To let go and trust. I had to make a choice. I had to be clear in my mind.
And so it is with life. Only we can decide how we are going to see the world and thereby choose our reality. Are we going to be optimists or pessimists? Are we going to frame our current condition in scarcity or abundance?
Months ago I heard of a family whose house burned in a fire. A week after, the Mother of the family wrote in an email how it was such a wonderful opportunity... the house that had burned hadn't really been suiting them, and their new home was going to be much more appropriate. She was helping God by consciously choosing how she was going to interpret her reality.
I look at my own life. I've been drifting a lot the last couple of years. Surrendering a lot. Making less and less choices, leaving it "up to God" or rather "my highest Spirit". And yet at the same time I have spent a lot of time in worry, or second guessing. If I am going to surrender, I need to remember to affirm that there is perfection in what I am being given. I could also be more deliberate, and more intentional, in taking a firm hand in co-creation. I could even balance the two extremes and do one way in one situation and a different in another. But I need to remember my choice. I need to frame my reality. It does no good to surrender to "God" then "blame" myself or "God" when things don't work out the way I expected.
So, remember that "God" needs help. If you are trusting in God's will, then remember to remind yourself that there is perfection, and be grateful for your experiences. If you are being more intentional, remember that you are an "arm of God" in your Will... trust in that perfection. As your worries, concerns, and "monkey mind" thoughts arise, remember what reality you are choosing... reframe those thoughts. Re-affirm your chosen reality.
I knew that it was up to me to let go of the branch and fly. To let go and trust. I had to make a choice. I had to be clear in my mind.
And so it is with life. Only we can decide how we are going to see the world and thereby choose our reality. Are we going to be optimists or pessimists? Are we going to frame our current condition in scarcity or abundance?
Months ago I heard of a family whose house burned in a fire. A week after, the Mother of the family wrote in an email how it was such a wonderful opportunity... the house that had burned hadn't really been suiting them, and their new home was going to be much more appropriate. She was helping God by consciously choosing how she was going to interpret her reality.
I look at my own life. I've been drifting a lot the last couple of years. Surrendering a lot. Making less and less choices, leaving it "up to God" or rather "my highest Spirit". And yet at the same time I have spent a lot of time in worry, or second guessing. If I am going to surrender, I need to remember to affirm that there is perfection in what I am being given. I could also be more deliberate, and more intentional, in taking a firm hand in co-creation. I could even balance the two extremes and do one way in one situation and a different in another. But I need to remember my choice. I need to frame my reality. It does no good to surrender to "God" then "blame" myself or "God" when things don't work out the way I expected.
So, remember that "God" needs help. If you are trusting in God's will, then remember to remind yourself that there is perfection, and be grateful for your experiences. If you are being more intentional, remember that you are an "arm of God" in your Will... trust in that perfection. As your worries, concerns, and "monkey mind" thoughts arise, remember what reality you are choosing... reframe those thoughts. Re-affirm your chosen reality.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Thin Line to Empowerment and Unconditional Love
The days turn into weeks as I live a life of seva in the Butternut Valley of NY. Mundane, terribly mundane, and yet the mystical is there most daily as I pick up the slack left by my deceased Uncle in visiting my Aunt who lays quite debilitated by Alzheimers in a nursing home.
Most every day that I drive the rolling hills to town to see my Dear Aunt, I am struck by subtle visions of power animals and the like. It's hard seeing her and the nursing home full of people that seem to be suffering... or rather seem to be lacking in enjoyment of their incarnation on life. It's easiest when I can be in a place of Unconditional Love and Empowerment, trusting that they have choices spiritually... that their existence is Divine in spite of the seeming suffering that my ego perceives.
It's hard for me to remember the reality of Empowerment. I find myself oft in judgment rather than acceptance and non-attachment, though I do have my breakthroughs. It's best when I remember to channel Reiki. One day I sat with my Aunt and happened to think to hold my stone from Ghandi Tal against her gnarled hand. This is the stone that vibrated me out of the reality of cold symptoms and knee pain into remembering that I could indeed shift my energy field and reality into one of health and full function of my knees. As I held the stone against her hand, her eyes brightened. I think she felt it.
It's difficult to break the shackles of judgment. To refrain from imposing the concept that the residents in the nursing home are stuck, miserable, and suffering. To try to think that they have the power to heal, the power to choose, the power to leave their earthly realm when they wish. And yet, I know as a healer, that that is the best space I can try to hold for them and myself. To remember that I can step outside my judgments and beam unconditional love towards them. That I can choose to be in a place of joy, and try to shed that light upon them. Instead of walking through the hallways of invalids, eyes downcast in saddness, I can validate their presence with eye contact and smiles. Sharing my trust in God with them. Sharing my belief that they can be healthy and whole with them. For if I choose the former reality, then we are all stuck in it... most of all... me..... and if I choose the latter reality, then I move myself into it, and carry others with me.
Most every day that I drive the rolling hills to town to see my Dear Aunt, I am struck by subtle visions of power animals and the like. It's hard seeing her and the nursing home full of people that seem to be suffering... or rather seem to be lacking in enjoyment of their incarnation on life. It's easiest when I can be in a place of Unconditional Love and Empowerment, trusting that they have choices spiritually... that their existence is Divine in spite of the seeming suffering that my ego perceives.
It's hard for me to remember the reality of Empowerment. I find myself oft in judgment rather than acceptance and non-attachment, though I do have my breakthroughs. It's best when I remember to channel Reiki. One day I sat with my Aunt and happened to think to hold my stone from Ghandi Tal against her gnarled hand. This is the stone that vibrated me out of the reality of cold symptoms and knee pain into remembering that I could indeed shift my energy field and reality into one of health and full function of my knees. As I held the stone against her hand, her eyes brightened. I think she felt it.
It's difficult to break the shackles of judgment. To refrain from imposing the concept that the residents in the nursing home are stuck, miserable, and suffering. To try to think that they have the power to heal, the power to choose, the power to leave their earthly realm when they wish. And yet, I know as a healer, that that is the best space I can try to hold for them and myself. To remember that I can step outside my judgments and beam unconditional love towards them. That I can choose to be in a place of joy, and try to shed that light upon them. Instead of walking through the hallways of invalids, eyes downcast in saddness, I can validate their presence with eye contact and smiles. Sharing my trust in God with them. Sharing my belief that they can be healthy and whole with them. For if I choose the former reality, then we are all stuck in it... most of all... me..... and if I choose the latter reality, then I move myself into it, and carry others with me.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Beltaine Blessing!
May you be Blessed with renewal!
With the energy to BE one with YOUR Spirit!
In thought, form, word, action!
May you heal instantly and easily into BEing your full potential, health, and Vibrance!
In Unconditional Love! Joy! Empowerment! Abundance!
May all those who feel isolated, feel connected!
May all your visions for the season clarify into perfect intentions and perfect harvests!
Beltaine Eve
What has seemed a miserable week is turning into one of the best Beltane's ever. I've been in upstate NY for 6 weeks now immersed in family matters. An uncle died. I felt called to help clear out his house and pick up the void left by his demise in visiting my Aunt at the nursing home. So devoted, he visited or called her daily for several years now. He'd taken care of her at home until the Alzheimers left her falling down. She sits. Once in a while she attempts to talk. It's thankless "work" visiting her. I never know whether I am boring her, tormenting her, entertaining her, or what when I visit her and read to her, tell her of "my news", and feed her her juice.
I always thought of Garrattsville as my home. Now that I'm getting the chance to live here, I'm realizing the dream I always had of living here is better left a dream. It's beautiful. It's quiet. But socially I am isolated. I have some great relatives around. But they lead different lives around here from the faggot shaman live that I lead. I eat vegetable stir fries while they eat chips, cold cuts, white bread and pop Nexium and anti-cholesterol pills. Don't get me wrong, I love my relatives dearly and we have shared good times together, but overall we lead very different lives and have different interests.
I've met five local guys online that I intrigued me some. One wasn't interested. Another one showed a little interest, but then started seeing someone. One disappeared from the chat-room after the night we met. One said he was interested but turned out to be a total flake. The other one seems only interested late at night, when I'm not about to drive 30 minutes to investigate. My love live has fallen into cam2cam connections on the Internet. Better than nothing. And actually many lessons in feeling energy via distance... great practice for us subtle energy workers!
So I've been getting the blues. It doesn't help that gas prices have gone up and I burn nearly a tank a week going to visit my Aunt. My "assetts" have dropped under $1000. I'm trying to remember the reality that the Universe provides abundantly and unconditionally. I'm not sure what to do. My sense is I am to stay here into the summer to help wrap up the "estate" here and visit my Aunt.
I saw two woodchucks Sunday. Sunday night one of my c2c buddies in Mexico mentioned an interest in astral travel. So I suggested he visit me that night. The next day I read what kind of power animal a woodchuck is, and it's about dreams and astral travel!
The last two days I've been praying for change... to get back into the mystical power place I'd been in more regularly a couple years ago. This morning, Beltane Eve, I stumbled online as is my habit. I've been for weeks trying to come up with a name to use on Xtube to sell some videos I've been making on my webcam. I've been frustrated, because that's my most likely hope for any logical income, yet I haven't been able to get myself to make a name and get online with my videos.
This morning brought a new light on the matter as I started to write my xtube bio. I've been ruminating on something like Cosmic Orgasm based on my Mayan astrology sign of Yellow Cosmic Sun. I looked up my Mayan astrological sign for some inspiration. The last line of my "reading" was "I am a galactic activation portal enter me." I burst out laughing. Finally it was all making sense. My vision wasn't clear about what the purpose of my videos would be... and what my story about my sex would be. The healing aspect was missing. Now my endeavors could move forward because I had clarity about how I want to be as a sexual being.
Still reeling from the excitement and laughter, I noticed one of my most powerful lovers pop up on the messenger list. I hadn't seen him for several years because our orbits around this Earth hadn't aligned. We'd tried to chat months ago, but a faulty Internet connection left us hanging. I'd noticed he was online the last days. And for some reason, I clicked on his name and said "Happy Beltaine!"
He soon let out that he had just found out he was HIV positive yesterday, and I was the first radical faerie he had told. We were both honored to share this powerful moment together. I immediately assured him of my belief that he could BE the pattern of HIV negative... that he could heal himself of this Western Medicine reality. We continued chatting and discovered that we've both been going through feelings of isolation and wondering why we are not amongst supportive communities of like minded folks. Were we cast out to cross pollinate and share our magic in the world? Were we cast out to learn something? Were we cast out because we didn't really allow ourselves to receive the nurturing we desired? Funny, I'd been down on myself so much lately, it hadn't dawned on me others were working through similar frustrations. We ended up sharing a wonderful online orgasm together. Interesting in that I tried to orgasm for him on cam, but I wasn't actually able to orgasm until he did. Another example of feeling energy through space... something that I've been learning a lot about in my c2c experiences.
I thought back to nine years ago when fate brought me into the life of a man recently diagnosed with HIV. At the time I had thought the attraction between us was about being soulmates. I later realized the attraction between us was Unconditional Love and about me giving him the gift of reclaiming sex into his life, and him giving me the gift of learning how to be a healer.
I knew that today's shared orgasm was powerful. Orgasms are great catalysts of healing and change. And I knew that this man and I had powerful connections. It was no small coincidence that we connected together today and created some online faerie space for Beltane together. We parted from our online intimacy in gratitude.
I was high as a kite from the experience. Great shifts were happening. I drove over the hills to see my Aunt. Visions and ley lines floated through my awareness. I sang, I chanted, I spoke in tongues. The Universe was shifting. I prayed for my friend... that I/he/we shift to the reality of his health on all levels; I prayed for all my friends; all my relations; everyone! After all, why discriminate?
As I drove through the colorful spring landscape of trees budding pastel colors, I felt on top of the world on these rolling hills. My Aunt had white stuff all over her lips. I wondered if our realities had crossed, but it turned out it was Milk of Magnesia.
I went to the local health food store to get a few things, though my sparse wallet made me consider fasting. When I went to check out, I was behind the hottest tattooed/pierced man... hotter than anyone I'd seen around these parts. The cashier pulled me from my reverie and said, "It's your lucky day!" She handed me a free canvas shopping bag and told me that my groceries (all bulk items) were free! (the scale was being serviced). I walked out in gratitude and amazement!
On the way home I came upon a horse in the middle of the road. Horses are about "freedom and travel"... and considering whether you are assisting the community you are in and also honoring the gifts of that community. Perfect timing. Just like the woodchuck's I saw when my friend in Mexico started practicing astral travel and dream visits to me... things the woodchuck is about.
I made my way home and cooked up my stir fry and ate in front of the TV enjoying Elton John's 60th birthday!
What an amazing Beltane! and it's only Beltane Eve!!!!
I always thought of Garrattsville as my home. Now that I'm getting the chance to live here, I'm realizing the dream I always had of living here is better left a dream. It's beautiful. It's quiet. But socially I am isolated. I have some great relatives around. But they lead different lives around here from the faggot shaman live that I lead. I eat vegetable stir fries while they eat chips, cold cuts, white bread and pop Nexium and anti-cholesterol pills. Don't get me wrong, I love my relatives dearly and we have shared good times together, but overall we lead very different lives and have different interests.
I've met five local guys online that I intrigued me some. One wasn't interested. Another one showed a little interest, but then started seeing someone. One disappeared from the chat-room after the night we met. One said he was interested but turned out to be a total flake. The other one seems only interested late at night, when I'm not about to drive 30 minutes to investigate. My love live has fallen into cam2cam connections on the Internet. Better than nothing. And actually many lessons in feeling energy via distance... great practice for us subtle energy workers!
So I've been getting the blues. It doesn't help that gas prices have gone up and I burn nearly a tank a week going to visit my Aunt. My "assetts" have dropped under $1000. I'm trying to remember the reality that the Universe provides abundantly and unconditionally. I'm not sure what to do. My sense is I am to stay here into the summer to help wrap up the "estate" here and visit my Aunt.
I saw two woodchucks Sunday. Sunday night one of my c2c buddies in Mexico mentioned an interest in astral travel. So I suggested he visit me that night. The next day I read what kind of power animal a woodchuck is, and it's about dreams and astral travel!
The last two days I've been praying for change... to get back into the mystical power place I'd been in more regularly a couple years ago. This morning, Beltane Eve, I stumbled online as is my habit. I've been for weeks trying to come up with a name to use on Xtube to sell some videos I've been making on my webcam. I've been frustrated, because that's my most likely hope for any logical income, yet I haven't been able to get myself to make a name and get online with my videos.
This morning brought a new light on the matter as I started to write my xtube bio. I've been ruminating on something like Cosmic Orgasm based on my Mayan astrology sign of Yellow Cosmic Sun. I looked up my Mayan astrological sign for some inspiration. The last line of my "reading" was "I am a galactic activation portal enter me." I burst out laughing. Finally it was all making sense. My vision wasn't clear about what the purpose of my videos would be... and what my story about my sex would be. The healing aspect was missing. Now my endeavors could move forward because I had clarity about how I want to be as a sexual being.
Still reeling from the excitement and laughter, I noticed one of my most powerful lovers pop up on the messenger list. I hadn't seen him for several years because our orbits around this Earth hadn't aligned. We'd tried to chat months ago, but a faulty Internet connection left us hanging. I'd noticed he was online the last days. And for some reason, I clicked on his name and said "Happy Beltaine!"
He soon let out that he had just found out he was HIV positive yesterday, and I was the first radical faerie he had told. We were both honored to share this powerful moment together. I immediately assured him of my belief that he could BE the pattern of HIV negative... that he could heal himself of this Western Medicine reality. We continued chatting and discovered that we've both been going through feelings of isolation and wondering why we are not amongst supportive communities of like minded folks. Were we cast out to cross pollinate and share our magic in the world? Were we cast out to learn something? Were we cast out because we didn't really allow ourselves to receive the nurturing we desired? Funny, I'd been down on myself so much lately, it hadn't dawned on me others were working through similar frustrations. We ended up sharing a wonderful online orgasm together. Interesting in that I tried to orgasm for him on cam, but I wasn't actually able to orgasm until he did. Another example of feeling energy through space... something that I've been learning a lot about in my c2c experiences.
I thought back to nine years ago when fate brought me into the life of a man recently diagnosed with HIV. At the time I had thought the attraction between us was about being soulmates. I later realized the attraction between us was Unconditional Love and about me giving him the gift of reclaiming sex into his life, and him giving me the gift of learning how to be a healer.
I knew that today's shared orgasm was powerful. Orgasms are great catalysts of healing and change. And I knew that this man and I had powerful connections. It was no small coincidence that we connected together today and created some online faerie space for Beltane together. We parted from our online intimacy in gratitude.
I was high as a kite from the experience. Great shifts were happening. I drove over the hills to see my Aunt. Visions and ley lines floated through my awareness. I sang, I chanted, I spoke in tongues. The Universe was shifting. I prayed for my friend... that I/he/we shift to the reality of his health on all levels; I prayed for all my friends; all my relations; everyone! After all, why discriminate?
As I drove through the colorful spring landscape of trees budding pastel colors, I felt on top of the world on these rolling hills. My Aunt had white stuff all over her lips. I wondered if our realities had crossed, but it turned out it was Milk of Magnesia.
I went to the local health food store to get a few things, though my sparse wallet made me consider fasting. When I went to check out, I was behind the hottest tattooed/pierced man... hotter than anyone I'd seen around these parts. The cashier pulled me from my reverie and said, "It's your lucky day!" She handed me a free canvas shopping bag and told me that my groceries (all bulk items) were free! (the scale was being serviced). I walked out in gratitude and amazement!
On the way home I came upon a horse in the middle of the road. Horses are about "freedom and travel"... and considering whether you are assisting the community you are in and also honoring the gifts of that community. Perfect timing. Just like the woodchuck's I saw when my friend in Mexico started practicing astral travel and dream visits to me... things the woodchuck is about.
I made my way home and cooked up my stir fry and ate in front of the TV enjoying Elton John's 60th birthday!
What an amazing Beltane! and it's only Beltane Eve!!!!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
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