Last night dancing to DJ's beats in Chaing Mai I had some clarity about my travels. I've been trying to "call my spirit back" for a few days now after finding myself exhausted, evaluating my last 9 mos of travels, detoxing, and a bit depressed. Calling One's Spirit back is a term from Native Americans referring to completely forgiving the past so one can be Full Power Now!
THE SWAMI
I've had a lot of trouble forgiving myself and my first travel mate... we met in Bangkok... I prayed for a travel companion on the mystical path. He prayed for a wacky tantric teacher who could be male. We got each other. We enjoyed crazy wonderful mystical experiences and unconditional love with each other the next three weeks as we followed the Bethelehem grid crystals around Thailand and the Indian Himalaya. Incredible trance states, muddy water turning clear at the drop of a stone, ecstatic orgasmic states at the flick of the hand in the aura, shapeshifting into a four year old, telepathic oneness, shapeshifting into a Kali with milk dripping breasts, and much more filled out our experiences over our first weeks together. I didn't understand it all, but I trusted the energy and was willing to follow it. My mate reached his limits and chickened out. We went from dailly heartspace and mystical experiences to being grumpy roomates as our time together reached one month.
I thought we'd continue. I waited. Although I'd planned to do some trekking, I figured Oneness and shapeshifting into Kali was a bit more interesting! I detoxed negative emotions as our relationship plummeted into the mundane. A month later in Vashisht after a couple reconnections with each other, I thought one night of just leaving. Our vibration together had dropped. Instead of leaving I prayed we'd get it together and continue working our magic. I knew we hadn't quite culminated and maxed our energy exchange. I knew I simultaneous orgasm would do that. Everytime I affirmed and prayed for our deep connection, we'd have a few moments of it. But unbeknownst to me because I wasn't centered nor brave enough to ask, my mate had decided not to continue. Oh, he wanted me to stay, but didn't want to do what we'd been doing.
It took another month to sort that out and move apart. My trekking times and energy passed by. I found myself at the end of my slated 5 months for Asia, and I hadn't accomplished my goals... trekking in the Himalaya and Rajasthan. I extended my trip. Managed to see Everest Base Camp, but never really felt like I accomplished what I came to do.
My last week in India, I picked up the Celestine Prophecy Guidebook... coincidences began to happen. I walked down the street in Pushkar and heard my name called out. It was The Swami... a fellow we'd met in Leh and held Reiki circles with and shared our gifts as healers. We'd travelled with The Swami from Ladakh to Vashisht... he'd invited us to his ashram in the south. The ashram visit wasn't going to work out, though we'd planned to travel with The Swami. But one morning at 6am he knocked on our door and said he was leaving. We were a bit shocked and surprised. It was a great joy to meet The Swami in Pushkar again.
AND HE TOLD ME A MESSAGE....he said he wanted our travel mates from Vashisht to know that he wasn't upset with us when he left. Merely, the energy had dropped and he knew it was time to go. I REALIZED that was a message for me... I "should" have left my mate when our vibration dropped... or at least after my prayers for our reconnection failed a day or two.
LESSON: Feel the vibration. Notice when it is high. Notice when it drops. Do what you can do to try to raise it. Change your stories, watch what stories you are living that make it drop. If the vibration doesn't raise, it's time to leave. You can think of "vibration" as happiness and joy. Get in touch with the Feelings... Yes change stories and set intentions to raise the vibration, but if it doesn't raise and you don't feel good... move on.
HARVEST AND FORGIVENESS: The key to harvesting my past, is to see the perfection. Perhaps I didn't take the actions that would bring me most joy... but THE LESSON is the harvest that makes the Past Perfect!
TAYLOR'S STORIES
I'm so amazed by my new friend Taylor whom I climbed and camped with a few weeks ago. I realize I put him on a pedestal and put myself down... the lesson of course is to integrate the qualities I admire in him into myself as best I can.
Some amazing stories I want to remember from Taylor:
At one point, he worked full-time construction, and then studied to be a black belt in martial arts until midnight every night.
He body surfed all day every day. He discovered being in the ocean for hours removes lice.
He practiced telepathy with his siblings and they could tell when and where their sibling was stranded in the desert.
He ran out of money while travelling in Mexico and though he didn't look destitute and didn't ask, people gave him money and a bus ticket because "they felt like they should". He was living with trust in abundance and that vibration reverberated to others.
FILLING THE VOID
I realize from India that we must remember our intentions and fill our time with what we love.... otherwise others will fill it for us with what they love. In India, the touts will fill your time taking you to shops, the Indian tourists will fill your time praciticing their english. But when we trek, study a new skill, visit the sights, we fill our time for ourselves.
Just before I left the states last year, I was at a ritual and someone made a comment that upset me and through me off my path of enjoying the evening ritual. Suddenly I was full of self doubt and anger and self criticism... UNTIL I thought to pray... to choose first of all to have a good meaningful time that evening... I counter-prayed the doubts of myself that had arisen... I prayed that we all only receive love.... and I had a good ritual!
So the lesson is to remember our choice in each moment, to pray and take actions about "problems" we identify, and to choose how to respond and BE in each moment.
MY PRESENT NOW
I've found Chaing Mai to BE feeling good to me now. A funny spiral... I was high vibration when I was here with my travel mate 8 months ago, then I fell like I spiraled down. Now I am here alone, without the crutch of a mate, and feeling my power and back to a high vibration.
I feel like "making" Chaing Mai my "home"... not sure whether to honor that by extending my trip and staying... or by going to the States, taking care of a few things, and returning....
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Raising the Vibration in Thailand
TINKER TAYLOR
I arrived in Thailand 03March after an overnight bus ride from Pushkar to Delhi and then an long flight to Bangkok via Dhaka that arrived at 1am. I napped with a paraglider from Vancouver who talked of riding air currents with the birds... sounds like a thing to put on my list of things to do!
A day or two in Bangkok and I planned to head north. I prayed one morning for a travel companion and a few hours later walking down the street, a tall dreaded blue eyed dude approaches me energy wide open on the street and asks if I know where he might trade his guitar or sell his climbing gear. And Taylor, a hot 25 yo Californian boy entered my life. I ate my second breakfast at a street stand with him and we discussed prospects of me buying his climbing gear. Then we concocted the idea to travel north together and climb. He had time to kill while getting his India visa and plane ticket. It was a virtual repeat of the Austrailian boy I met last July in Bangkok when I prayed for a travel companion then. We went to the same trusted travel agent "Mel Gibson" behind the temple offf of Khao San Road, and Taylor put in his visa request, bought his plane ticket, and the two of us got a bus ticket to Chaing Mai.
A day and a half later we arrived in Chaing Mai after an all night bus ride. Both of us were unsure of each other, but decided to rent a motorbike and ride out to the Crazy Horse Buttress, 45 minutes east of Chaing Mai. Two of us on the bike with packs and climbing gear made quite a load.
We found a mystical limestone crag with beautiful open thatched roof shelters where we could tie our hammocks. Taylor proved to be an amazing rock climbing teacher and we spent three days amidst singing birds, bamboo, and some beautiful climbers who came on day trips. Taylor encouraged me up a 6a (5.10) chimney and got me to do things I didn't think I could do.
I shared Reiki with him and he was vibrating after the treatment. He cooked some amazing omelets on a bamboo fire and shared some great life stories which I will never forget.
One day his grandma who raised him was sewing on a machine and the needle went all the way through her finger tip. She calmly removed the needle from the machine. When Taylor started to get excited, she said, "it's ok, the pain only lasts a little while, then it goes away." She guided Taylor to pull the needle out with some pliers and then she wrapped her finger in a bandage and returned to her sewing. Another time, Taylors favorite toys were stolen by some school bullies. He cried and cried, then decided to pray to God asking to be led to his toys. He spun in circles with the intention to be led to his toys by the direction he ended up when he stopped spinning. H spun himself, then walked into the desert in the resulting direction. In an old tire, he found his toys. Remarkably, there was no way the bullies could have gotten the toys out there that fast. When he told his grandma, she said, "Yes, that's the way things are supposed to work."
Taylor's grandma also got him and his sister started practicing telepathy together. His brother too. They could tell when the other was stuck out in the desert and go find each other. Oddly enough, Taylor was a bit skeptical and amazed at the results of Reiki. I gave him an attunement and when he practiced on my his clairvoyance insight and hot hands shone in full brilliance.
Taylor is truly and amazing human being and I am so thankful for the marvelous days we shared together at Crazy Horse Buttress.
TAYLOR'S VERSION
dear every one hope your all doing well life is good. im in norh thailand [chang mi] waitingfor a bus to bangkok to wisk me away to india. i spentthe last 3 nights camping at a rockclimbing mountaincalled crazy hourse srounded by bamboo and beautifullbirds that sang far into the night. hammocks andmandolins, rock climbing and the best omlets cookedover a camp fire ever! i met the gayest man ive everknowen named dhamiboo whoese a reikei? master, an oldtraveling soul, a good friend, with a mouth that canthelp but spew the ronchiest gay sex stories while yourtrying to swallow your breakfast. the hot springs hereare abundant and nice and sulfery. and every night iwas here the locals set the mountains on fire to clearthe over grouth which makes for an amazing sun setmixed with the mist. dhamiboo did reikei on me for thefirst time in my life, i couldent belive what happenedto me, by body started going numb? [how to explain?]and vibrating and i was like he took every angry,sad, destructive thought out of me and filled me withenergy? or something more profound than any drug iveever tried! you may scoff or joke all you like. it wasREAL. all i could do was lay there and cry at thebeauty out side and inside my self, while touristswalked by with puzzled expressions on there faces....dont worry i didnt let him gay me. but that man hassome beautifull things to say about life. i guess weall do if you listen hard enough. melissa is haveing arough journy, ive forwarded her message below, imhelping her any way i can, she is strong and capableso dont worry to much, we have lots of optionsavailable and the people here are kind, so send hersome good thoughts or prayrs. will write when im inINDIA HA HA. some one please give me prestions phone #or something, send dad my letters, kiss the nephewsand neice and exzagerate my stories to your friends.love taylor
CELESTINE OCCURENCES
After my time with Taylor I found myself detoxing some low self esteem, internalized homophobia, and having trouble gaining my momentum. I'd fallen for Taylor who was undeniably str8, and I suppose I was jealous of his talents and the way str8 people can move about in the world assuming others our str8. I wanted to take off on a motorbike and tour the golden triangle, but was having trouble getting my courage up to travel alone and strike off as a novice on a motorbike.
I met my tantric travel mate from last summer and he was glowing, having met his guru-ji and having marvelous things happen to him. I was feeling down... my manifestation powers for lovers, ease, and fun, seemed elusive. I'd been up til 3am, and had planned to leave at 8 am. It wasn't happening. I was out of my guesthouse, without the gumption to get on the road. I prayed to feel "the energy" and get out of my "depression". An hour or two later I sat feeling lost in a Chaing Mai alleyway, drinking some water. And I felt some energy. I looked up and saw the sign for Mr Wiskey's Guest House... a cool looking place I'd unsuccessfuly tried to get a room over the last week. I realized I was exhausted and decided to get a bunk there. No bunks, but a room was available. I took it. The manager was so cute and shining in energy.
I collapsed in the shaded terrace and watched a movie. A bearded cute frenchman appeared and our eyes met. He was turned away for lack of vacancy in the guest house, so I offered the extra bed in my room. We were hanging out and a guy Andy shows up reading Celestine Prophecy. I let on that I have the "workbook" and Sophie suggests we do an exercise together. So I pick out an intuition excercise and am trying to decide what my question for the exercise will be "What to do tomorrow?" or "How to manifest some lovers?" I settle on the former and we start the exercise, when there is suddenly a guy sitting next to me talking about taking the quietest room, and i say without thinking... "what are you going to be doing there?... maybe I will come by?" and he returns my flirtations bat for bat... and I am thanking the Celestine Prophecy! Another guy wants to try the exercise too and we do and it turns out he is gay. All of the sudden my prayers seem to be answered: friends, lovers, good conversation, etc... are jumping out of the woodwork!
The next day, I feel more and more aligned with myself and feel reiki and energy more! I realize I have found a home to recharge in at Mr Wiskeys! And my prayer for things to manifest easily feels answered!
I arrived in Thailand 03March after an overnight bus ride from Pushkar to Delhi and then an long flight to Bangkok via Dhaka that arrived at 1am. I napped with a paraglider from Vancouver who talked of riding air currents with the birds... sounds like a thing to put on my list of things to do!
A day or two in Bangkok and I planned to head north. I prayed one morning for a travel companion and a few hours later walking down the street, a tall dreaded blue eyed dude approaches me energy wide open on the street and asks if I know where he might trade his guitar or sell his climbing gear. And Taylor, a hot 25 yo Californian boy entered my life. I ate my second breakfast at a street stand with him and we discussed prospects of me buying his climbing gear. Then we concocted the idea to travel north together and climb. He had time to kill while getting his India visa and plane ticket. It was a virtual repeat of the Austrailian boy I met last July in Bangkok when I prayed for a travel companion then. We went to the same trusted travel agent "Mel Gibson" behind the temple offf of Khao San Road, and Taylor put in his visa request, bought his plane ticket, and the two of us got a bus ticket to Chaing Mai.
A day and a half later we arrived in Chaing Mai after an all night bus ride. Both of us were unsure of each other, but decided to rent a motorbike and ride out to the Crazy Horse Buttress, 45 minutes east of Chaing Mai. Two of us on the bike with packs and climbing gear made quite a load.
We found a mystical limestone crag with beautiful open thatched roof shelters where we could tie our hammocks. Taylor proved to be an amazing rock climbing teacher and we spent three days amidst singing birds, bamboo, and some beautiful climbers who came on day trips. Taylor encouraged me up a 6a (5.10) chimney and got me to do things I didn't think I could do.
I shared Reiki with him and he was vibrating after the treatment. He cooked some amazing omelets on a bamboo fire and shared some great life stories which I will never forget.
One day his grandma who raised him was sewing on a machine and the needle went all the way through her finger tip. She calmly removed the needle from the machine. When Taylor started to get excited, she said, "it's ok, the pain only lasts a little while, then it goes away." She guided Taylor to pull the needle out with some pliers and then she wrapped her finger in a bandage and returned to her sewing. Another time, Taylors favorite toys were stolen by some school bullies. He cried and cried, then decided to pray to God asking to be led to his toys. He spun in circles with the intention to be led to his toys by the direction he ended up when he stopped spinning. H spun himself, then walked into the desert in the resulting direction. In an old tire, he found his toys. Remarkably, there was no way the bullies could have gotten the toys out there that fast. When he told his grandma, she said, "Yes, that's the way things are supposed to work."
Taylor's grandma also got him and his sister started practicing telepathy together. His brother too. They could tell when the other was stuck out in the desert and go find each other. Oddly enough, Taylor was a bit skeptical and amazed at the results of Reiki. I gave him an attunement and when he practiced on my his clairvoyance insight and hot hands shone in full brilliance.
Taylor is truly and amazing human being and I am so thankful for the marvelous days we shared together at Crazy Horse Buttress.
TAYLOR'S VERSION
dear every one hope your all doing well life is good. im in norh thailand [chang mi] waitingfor a bus to bangkok to wisk me away to india. i spentthe last 3 nights camping at a rockclimbing mountaincalled crazy hourse srounded by bamboo and beautifullbirds that sang far into the night. hammocks andmandolins, rock climbing and the best omlets cookedover a camp fire ever! i met the gayest man ive everknowen named dhamiboo whoese a reikei? master, an oldtraveling soul, a good friend, with a mouth that canthelp but spew the ronchiest gay sex stories while yourtrying to swallow your breakfast. the hot springs hereare abundant and nice and sulfery. and every night iwas here the locals set the mountains on fire to clearthe over grouth which makes for an amazing sun setmixed with the mist. dhamiboo did reikei on me for thefirst time in my life, i couldent belive what happenedto me, by body started going numb? [how to explain?]and vibrating and i was like he took every angry,sad, destructive thought out of me and filled me withenergy? or something more profound than any drug iveever tried! you may scoff or joke all you like. it wasREAL. all i could do was lay there and cry at thebeauty out side and inside my self, while touristswalked by with puzzled expressions on there faces....dont worry i didnt let him gay me. but that man hassome beautifull things to say about life. i guess weall do if you listen hard enough. melissa is haveing arough journy, ive forwarded her message below, imhelping her any way i can, she is strong and capableso dont worry to much, we have lots of optionsavailable and the people here are kind, so send hersome good thoughts or prayrs. will write when im inINDIA HA HA. some one please give me prestions phone #or something, send dad my letters, kiss the nephewsand neice and exzagerate my stories to your friends.love taylor
CELESTINE OCCURENCES
After my time with Taylor I found myself detoxing some low self esteem, internalized homophobia, and having trouble gaining my momentum. I'd fallen for Taylor who was undeniably str8, and I suppose I was jealous of his talents and the way str8 people can move about in the world assuming others our str8. I wanted to take off on a motorbike and tour the golden triangle, but was having trouble getting my courage up to travel alone and strike off as a novice on a motorbike.
I met my tantric travel mate from last summer and he was glowing, having met his guru-ji and having marvelous things happen to him. I was feeling down... my manifestation powers for lovers, ease, and fun, seemed elusive. I'd been up til 3am, and had planned to leave at 8 am. It wasn't happening. I was out of my guesthouse, without the gumption to get on the road. I prayed to feel "the energy" and get out of my "depression". An hour or two later I sat feeling lost in a Chaing Mai alleyway, drinking some water. And I felt some energy. I looked up and saw the sign for Mr Wiskey's Guest House... a cool looking place I'd unsuccessfuly tried to get a room over the last week. I realized I was exhausted and decided to get a bunk there. No bunks, but a room was available. I took it. The manager was so cute and shining in energy.
I collapsed in the shaded terrace and watched a movie. A bearded cute frenchman appeared and our eyes met. He was turned away for lack of vacancy in the guest house, so I offered the extra bed in my room. We were hanging out and a guy Andy shows up reading Celestine Prophecy. I let on that I have the "workbook" and Sophie suggests we do an exercise together. So I pick out an intuition excercise and am trying to decide what my question for the exercise will be "What to do tomorrow?" or "How to manifest some lovers?" I settle on the former and we start the exercise, when there is suddenly a guy sitting next to me talking about taking the quietest room, and i say without thinking... "what are you going to be doing there?... maybe I will come by?" and he returns my flirtations bat for bat... and I am thanking the Celestine Prophecy! Another guy wants to try the exercise too and we do and it turns out he is gay. All of the sudden my prayers seem to be answered: friends, lovers, good conversation, etc... are jumping out of the woodwork!
The next day, I feel more and more aligned with myself and feel reiki and energy more! I realize I have found a home to recharge in at Mr Wiskeys! And my prayer for things to manifest easily feels answered!
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