Thursday, April 30, 2009

Lama Mission in the Mission

I walked briskly on my mission, towards yoga class. I wondered if I was really eating enough...maybe that's why the negative emotions seem to suffocate me. The large quartz crystal, charged with the Bethlehem Grid, lay heavy on my thigh in my pocket. I rounded the corner to see Giselle in the crosswalk. I hadn't seen her in years, and probably hadn't talked to her in a decade. I'd met Giselle when we both volunteered at a food pantry where we portioned out grocery's into packets for the needy. Giselle had introduced me to Louise Hay, saying the text wasn't worth much, but the tables of disease and their metaphysical causes was something. I thought Louise Hay's whole book, You Can Heal Your Life, was something amazing indeed and it formed a major inspiration in my own transformations. I was trying to heal my knees at the time, and that path led me into becoming a healer.

Giselle dodged the car in the crosswalk, and came towards me carrying a heavy stack of books. She said, “Hey where have you been, I haven't seen you for a long time?”. At least that's what I thought she said. I replied, “I've been out of town... I've been nomadic for five years.” She came closer and said, “Hey, are you a Lama? Can you see colors in my aura?”. I smiled, “No, I'm not much of a seer like that.” She seemed disappointed, but quipped, “Can you do things? Do you have techniques?”. Frankly, now, I was quite surprised and at a loss for words. And I was kind of thinking maybe she was just a crazy street person or something. Giselle had seemed a bit on that edge, though I wasn't even sure if this was Giselle. Before I could tell her I had a few tricks up my sleeve, she said, “Hey, do you want me to teach you some things?” “Nah,” I said, “I'm going to yoga.” And she backed into a post then stumbled into a falafel shop with her load of heavy books in her hands. I quickened my pace on auto pilot towards yoga class, not wanting to be late.

I chuckled at the magic of the moment. I thought of the crystal in my pocket and the mythic times I'd had with other such crystals. I wondered if that was really Giselle, or just someone that looked similar. She was heavier than I remembered Giselle. I prayed for her. Prayed that I could channel the Lama for her via distance. I felt a charge of energy course through me... not sure whether it was her magic triggering me... or the fact that I was sending energy back towards her... trying to channel the Lama for her. I thought of my vision of myself of a dusty traveler, shaman, who's presence catalyzed journey's into the mystic. It's one of those visions that is like a dream I glimpse from time to time. Not really anything I've intended, but just this faint image that skirts through my consciousness just often enough to think there's some substance to it... that maybe that's who I'm to someday be. Not that I have any real idea how to be it, nor even if it's really what I want to be it. But I wonder if its my destiny creeping up on me.

I felt better than I had all day. During Yoga it came to me, that I had to not let myself be stuck in my emotions. Pray, intend, do Reiki, keep at it. Don't give into the the reality of destitution. Spend the last dollar and intend, trust, pray, that more will come. Get to that point where I can laugh when I'm out of money... take the fear away.. the charge... then the reality can shift. If you can't laugh at it, your likely still to attached for things to shift.

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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Abundance Short and Sweet

True abundance is channeling money, lovers, food, etc like Reiki...knowing that it is unlimited and all around you. Just as the Universe supports you in Reiki, it supports you in all your physical needs.

What is that reality of abundance like? I mean when I do Reiki, I do not give it a thought, I just start doing in, completely knowing and trusting the infinite energy of Reiki is there to be channeled for highest good.

But, hmmm...., when I channel money, how often do I look at price, wonder whether I really need what money can by, etc... as opposed to just doing what I am called to do and what is right in my heart. These are the lessons to learn... the things to work on, or play with.

It's all in layers. On the big scale, relative to the common culture in the US, I have jumped off the security train into the abyss of Trust. 44yo, no insurance, a couple of thousand dollars of assets, no paycheck, no home, no plan except to follow my Highest Spirit. On the small scale, I worry a lot... the price of a meal, do I really need that mp3 player, or new backpack. It's difficult... or rather in the past it has been difficult for me to really integrate Abundance thinking/Being into the minutae of life.

I've rather tried to quit being anything particular... like a Reiki practitioner per se. Rather than advertising, I try to let clients/students show up. Rather than focusing on building a Reiki practice, I try to remain open to what opportunities come up... perhaps it's Reiki, perhaps its being an auction clerk, perhaps a day laborer, perhaps a stock trader, perhaps.... well, you get the idea. Rather than being attached to tit for tat earning money, I try to be open to giving my service away and perhaps finding money under a rock while walking in the woods. I'm trying to remove all the judgements/labels/identities that can shackle us away from True Presence. At the same time, sometimes I struggle because I want to know who I am... to have a plan and a purpose. It's hard to roam about the US without the cultural norm of having some intellectual concept of a career or grander purpose in life. In other cultures, people just live. They don't have the social mental construct of being grandiose.

A few years ago, I brought my abundance story into reality when I discovered the day before rent was due, that I was $200 short. Panic tried to creep in. I had the good sense to meditate or do Reiki on myself. I parsed through my options: call my parents and admit I'd screwed up; call regular clients and work harder; post an ad for an immediate Reiki class and admit I hadn't advertised enough; and somehow what resonated was to go for a walk and trust that do what I will, the Universe would provide. So I went for a walk. Nothing happened. I started to head home, a bit dismayed. I heard a cyclist yelling at a car, and turned to find a friend and Reiki student of mine. He was returning home from paying his rent in cash. He inquired about learning Reiki II, and thought he'd like a private training the next week. He paid me in advance, right there! The next day, a payment for a distance Reiki session arrived in the mail. I made my rent! And by consciously choosing my action, I chose the reality of Do What You Will, The Universe Provides.

Now if I could remember that and integrate that into all my decisions, I would truly feel my abundance! I'm growing in it. Sometimes I do just get something, not wanting to look around for a bargain price. It varies. I'm more apt to do that when I have "ample" money in the bank. And I also acknowledge that abundance can be worked by finding the free and low cost things. In one sense, that I have traveled the world the past 5 years on $5-15/day is a testimony to abundance. That I have often limited myself to only food and shelter, rather than activities that cost money, is a sign of scarcity... that I don't hold a grander vision for myself, a sign of scarcity.

It's easy times now, though it appears very challenging. Hold on to your intentions, Dear Ones. I have been praying for Reiki clients/students as that is my preferred income source at present. Plus I do love to teach Reiki. It's good for me. Within a week I had four students nibbling. I looked happily towards both the teaching and the income. I taught the one student and got paid. The second one, said he didn't have the money, but I received clear guidance to teach him anyway. The third one was a dear friend whom I'd offered a Reiki session to for his birthday gift. The fourth one picked a day and time, we went through with it, an amazing experience, then she didn't pay me... she'd gotten her first level when I offered Reiki I for free online a couple years ago... and apparently assuumed that Reiki II was the same deal. I debated my options... hoping that perhaps she'd forgotton to pay me and would remember the next day. I realized I'd assumed she'd read my website and knew the deal when she asked about getting Level II. Now, what to do? I wondered if perhaps my vision about giving Reiki for free to the other guy, was really about her. I thought of delicate ways to bring up the issue. I cursed the Universe for making things difficult. My financial life this winter was already depressing enough. I cursed the Universe for letting me be in America where elders and teachers aren't respected and given offerings for their teachings. I thought of all the free sessions I'd given without much more than a thanks. I wondered why am I not rewarded for my "work"... is it not valued? Is my magic not truly working. Of course, it is working, I've had quite a few testimonies in recent weeks from clients/students from the past. I checked in with my guides about whether to seek money or trade from the non-paying student. And the guides said "no". I haven't laughed about it yet, but larger grows the leap of faith I need to see how I am going to be supported for my anticipated trip to India this summer. It's so ludicrous, I'm beginning to trust it more. This winter has been a series of financial follies. The things I've sought to do most for money have faltered and fallen through in touch and go committments. What money I made, I managed to loose most of as I tried to play the stock market and build some longer term security. The only thing to do now is trust the Universe, and the funny thing is I'm doing it.

A week or so ago I set the intention to be more in the "tantric" state I was in on my first trip to India. The other night I manifested a fabulous lover and in the aftershocks of orgasmic bliss, between whispering how beautiful I was, if you can imagine that... he asked my age... 44, he said is the year of mastery. And I realized, of course, that is why it's been a difficult year. Only a Master can hold onto the rudder to keep to Abundance and Unconditional Love through the eye of the storm of world economic realignment. I claim nothing yet, as the year is not over. But I have hope. And I am regaining my center and groundedness in more pleasant realities as opposed to the dismal shores I've dabbled in the past months. And so as we go through our challenges, all the more reason to take a deep breath and remember our power. The few hours with my lover, the power of the orgasm, did more to align me and ground me in my highest path than hours and weeks of meditation, yoga, and the like... but that's another story in itself.

Enough words. Money. Love. Food. Shelter... all flow like Reiki. Look at Peace Pilgrim for inspiration. Look at Hunga Dunga (a book by Phil Polizatto).

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