Lessons

Last night dancing to DJ's beats in Chaing Mai I had some clarity about my travels. I've been trying to "call my spirit back" for a few days now after finding myself exhausted, evaluating my last 9 mos of travels, detoxing, and a bit depressed. Calling One's Spirit back is a term from Native Americans referring to completely forgiving the past so one can be Full Power Now!

THE SWAMI

I've had a lot of trouble forgiving myself and my first travel mate... we met in Bangkok... I prayed for a travel companion on the mystical path. He prayed for a wacky tantric teacher who could be male. We got each other. We enjoyed crazy wonderful mystical experiences and unconditional love with each other the next three weeks as we followed the Bethelehem grid crystals around Thailand and the Indian Himalaya. Incredible trance states, muddy water turning clear at the drop of a stone, ecstatic orgasmic states at the flick of the hand in the aura, shapeshifting into a four year old, telepathic oneness, shapeshifting into a Kali with milk dripping breasts, and much more filled out our experiences over our first weeks together. I didn't understand it all, but I trusted the energy and was willing to follow it. My mate reached his limits and chickened out. We went from dailly heartspace and mystical experiences to being grumpy roomates as our time together reached one month.

I thought we'd continue. I waited. Although I'd planned to do some trekking, I figured Oneness and shapeshifting into Kali was a bit more interesting! I detoxed negative emotions as our relationship plummeted into the mundane. A month later in Vashisht after a couple reconnections with each other, I thought one night of just leaving. Our vibration together had dropped. Instead of leaving I prayed we'd get it together and continue working our magic. I knew we hadn't quite culminated and maxed our energy exchange. I knew I simultaneous orgasm would do that. Everytime I affirmed and prayed for our deep connection, we'd have a few moments of it. But unbeknownst to me because I wasn't centered nor brave enough to ask, my mate had decided not to continue. Oh, he wanted me to stay, but didn't want to do what we'd been doing.

It took another month to sort that out and move apart. My trekking times and energy passed by. I found myself at the end of my slated 5 months for Asia, and I hadn't accomplished my goals... trekking in the Himalaya and Rajasthan. I extended my trip. Managed to see Everest Base Camp, but never really felt like I accomplished what I came to do.

My last week in India, I picked up the Celestine Prophecy Guidebook... coincidences began to happen. I walked down the street in Pushkar and heard my name called out. It was The Swami... a fellow we'd met in Leh and held Reiki circles with and shared our gifts as healers. We'd travelled with The Swami from Ladakh to Vashisht... he'd invited us to his ashram in the south. The ashram visit wasn't going to work out, though we'd planned to travel with The Swami. But one morning at 6am he knocked on our door and said he was leaving. We were a bit shocked and surprised. It was a great joy to meet The Swami in Pushkar again.

AND HE TOLD ME A MESSAGE....he said he wanted our travel mates from Vashisht to know that he wasn't upset with us when he left. Merely, the energy had dropped and he knew it was time to go. I REALIZED that was a message for me... I "should" have left my mate when our vibration dropped... or at least after my prayers for our reconnection failed a day or two.

LESSON: Feel the vibration. Notice when it is high. Notice when it drops. Do what you can do to try to raise it. Change your stories, watch what stories you are living that make it drop. If the vibration doesn't raise, it's time to leave. You can think of "vibration" as happiness and joy. Get in touch with the Feelings... Yes change stories and set intentions to raise the vibration, but if it doesn't raise and you don't feel good... move on.

HARVEST AND FORGIVENESS: The key to harvesting my past, is to see the perfection. Perhaps I didn't take the actions that would bring me most joy... but THE LESSON is the harvest that makes the Past Perfect!

TAYLOR'S STORIES

I'm so amazed by my new friend Taylor whom I climbed and camped with a few weeks ago. I realize I put him on a pedestal and put myself down... the lesson of course is to integrate the qualities I admire in him into myself as best I can.

Some amazing stories I want to remember from Taylor:

At one point, he worked full-time construction, and then studied to be a black belt in martial arts until midnight every night.

He body surfed all day every day. He discovered being in the ocean for hours removes lice.

He practiced telepathy with his siblings and they could tell when and where their sibling was stranded in the desert.

He ran out of money while travelling in Mexico and though he didn't look destitute and didn't ask, people gave him money and a bus ticket because "they felt like they should". He was living with trust in abundance and that vibration reverberated to others.

FILLING THE VOID

I realize from India that we must remember our intentions and fill our time with what we love.... otherwise others will fill it for us with what they love. In India, the touts will fill your time taking you to shops, the Indian tourists will fill your time praciticing their english. But when we trek, study a new skill, visit the sights, we fill our time for ourselves.

Just before I left the states last year, I was at a ritual and someone made a comment that upset me and through me off my path of enjoying the evening ritual. Suddenly I was full of self doubt and anger and self criticism... UNTIL I thought to pray... to choose first of all to have a good meaningful time that evening... I counter-prayed the doubts of myself that had arisen... I prayed that we all only receive love.... and I had a good ritual!

So the lesson is to remember our choice in each moment, to pray and take actions about "problems" we identify, and to choose how to respond and BE in each moment.

MY PRESENT NOW

I've found Chaing Mai to BE feeling good to me now. A funny spiral... I was high vibration when I was here with my travel mate 8 months ago, then I fell like I spiraled down. Now I am here alone, without the crutch of a mate, and feeling my power and back to a high vibration.

I feel like "making" Chaing Mai my "home"... not sure whether to honor that by extending my trip and staying... or by going to the States, taking care of a few things, and returning....