The reality is I'm sitting in the suburbs which I despise... give me a city or wilderness any day. My magical appearing lovers are not here. My never ending state of bliss is not here. My leaping, jumping, climbing, running like a 20 something backpacker full of yoga, light, love, physical prowess is not here.
I find myself sucked into the computer to write this, try to make it make money for me... affiliate programs, adsense,... nonsense. Researching a new bank for my international travels. Researching a PDA or Asus Eee 4G-Galaxy 7" PC Mobile Internet Device ( 512 MB RAM, 4 GB Hard Drive, Webcam, Linux Preloaded) Black
for my travels. Spinning in my head. Sitting at this electric box. Maybe I don't even want to "do the computer". Maybe I don't want to get into depending on this for a money income reality. I get so little feed back from these writings, I don't know whether anyone cares. I realize I need to market them much more broadly. Not sure I want to. Not sure my writings are good enough. Do I want to take the time to make them good enough? Trying to remember that I have infinite abundance when my bank account is at $1300 and I'm so far below the poverty level it ain't funny... except it is because I'm probably one of the most free, well traveled people in the USA... and certainly in the world, considering the billions that live in "third world" conditions.I sent out a prayer request for my Mother. I wish I could just shake a rattle, snap my fingers, and witness her heal herself in front of me like so many other clients have. But my Mom isn't so open to alternative medicine. I did Reiki her once several years ago, but received no comment. My insecurities come up when I think of offering it to her now.
I wish I could walk in a room like Jesus or Buddha and watch people heal. At the same time having fun and enjoying myself.
I haven't mastered that yet.
And so I was sulking two nights ago. Yet I put out a prayer request for my Mothers health and for me to get in my groove. I lay down to sleep and awoke two hours later buzzing with energy. Things were moving. I saw my patterns of worry. I saw how rather than center my life on the computer I might just walk out and BE and let clients happen. There is even a possibility to blend... to use the computer when I want to. Like at this moment I am getting a charge as I write.
I awoke the next morning, groggy from a night of broken sleep. I checked my email and found a letter "from an admirer".. a woman I had met in India briefly. I had hoped to visit with her more. She shined bright to me... in the midst of a long fast, just down from the mountains. It turns out that I have inspired her with my wandering mysticism... or rather my blogs of self proclaimed attempts at being a wandering mystic.
She was turning down a $95,000/year job because it was no longer calling to her, and she felt called to the life of a wandering mystic. Yet she wasn't sure what a wandering mystic is.
And so I pondered that a moment. I realized I don't really have a role model. I have faint glimpses of a dream of an old man roaming around the world carrying nothing because he is too busy living to record his life, too busy trusting and manifesting to carry much junk. Lovers appear for him do what he will. Money, food, material needs are fulfilled for him do what he will. He is an outdoor adventurer. He is a healer and show up to where he is called to help who he is called to heal. He is a gardener. He is one with the Earth. Something like a cross between Peace Pilgrim, a shaman, Woody Guthrie, Pan, Drukpa Kunley, Christ, Buddha, Aron Ralston, Walt Whitman, and John Muir with a healthy dose of Radical Faerie Magic! I've embellished that description more than ever before. I have a sense that that is to be me. And yet I feel like I'm not doing that yet. I guess maybe I have a process to go through to learn it. Or sometimes I think that is just not really me. I don't know.
In the meantime, I have thought of a few books that strike me as inspirations for the wandering mystic:
Carlos Castanada's books on Don Juan.
The Divine Madman - The Sublime Life and Songs of Drukpa Kunley
Diary of a Tantric Priestess
John Muir. Not sure what I read... autobiography or biography of him.
Mutant Message Down Under, Tenth Anniversary Edition
Peace Pilgrim: Her Life and Work in Her Own Words
The Songlines
Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel
Leaves of Grass: The Original 1855 Edition (Thrift Edition)
The Wandering Taoist
The Way of the Wizard: Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life You Want
Loving Comrades: Walt Whitman's Homosexual Loves (Garland Gay and Lesbian Studies)
The Wisdom of the Ancient One: An Inca Initiation
Movies:
Baraka
Koyaanisqatsi - Life Out of Balance
Latcho Drom
1 Giant Leap
Powaqqatsi - Life in Transformation
Websites:
This group tours S.E.Asia on bicycles! Sometimes street performers are the best mystics, using theater to heal:
http://myspace.com/cyclowns
This man is making a moneyless pilgrimage based on the idea of sharing. His website promotes sharing space:http://www.justfortheloveofit.org/p_story.php
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